


Whenever Stars Go Down

by herwhiteknight



Series: 365 Days of Sarah/Cosima [27]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Cosima is some kind of Space Entity, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Human Astral, Light Angst, Mild Sexual Content, Spiritual, Stars, Supernatural Elements, Vessel 'verse, this one went All Over The Board lemme tell you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 12:24:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11290677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herwhiteknight/pseuds/herwhiteknight
Summary: With Sarah as her guide, Cosima starts to learn about the world. And all the awkwardness that comes with being human.





	1. for future and dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Set after "Where The Ashes Lie".
> 
> Day 28 of 365.

Sarah woke early the next morning thankful, for probably one of the first times in her life, that it was a school day. With Kira out of the house for several hours, it would give her time. It would give all _three_ of them time.

She rolled over with the intention of climbing out of bed to wake Kira when she came face to face with Cosima. Her eyes were wide and she blinked owlishly across the short distance at Sarah. “Hey,” she said _extremely_ casually.

Sarah just stared back, unsure where the sudden desire to grab her and kiss her senseless came from. But it was definitely there. Sarah opted just to grunt in response, not trusting her voice. What was she supposed to say anyways? _Welcome to humanity, we just slept in the same bed while you were wearing nothing_ but _one of my T-shirts oh and we've fused somehow? And you're not_ wearing _anything?!_ Yeah. Best response, no response.

Not good enough for Cosima, apparently. “Uh... good morning?” she tried, sounding unsure. _Shite, she probably thought I was angry and she doesn't want-_ “I think that's what it is, anyways. I heard you saying it one morning to Kira. Or S. I could only hear your voice, so-”

Sarah blinked. _Oh,_ she thought, unable to stop the smile from unfurling on her face at Cosima's ramblings. She turned to face Cosima, who was now sitting up in bed, her long raven black hair slightly staticky from sharing a pillow with Sarah. “Uh, yeah. It's good morning,” she nodded. Cosima smiled, apparently pleased with herself for adapting to human customs so quickly. “But Cos, uh. Y'can.. um, head back to bed, if y'want. I gotta get Kira up for school and-”

At the little girl's name, Cosima perked up even more, if that was possible. She started to swing her legs out from under the covers when Sarah interrupted her, averting her eyes quickly. Not that Sarah cared about nudity. There was just something so _innocent_ about Cosima and everything was so _new_ that it was all extremely overwhelming. “Cos, um,” Sarah started, pointedly putting her back to her as she went to the closet to pull on a pair of jeans.

Even without visual cues from Sarah's expressions, _especially_ without visual cues, Cosima could read Sarah's tone easily enough to guess that something was going on with Sarah. “What's wrong, Sarah?”

Sarah shivered slightly even though she had just buttoned her jeans. Something about the way Cosima said her name, _for real_ with a _real human voice_.... it sent a pleasant, chilling electric sensation down her whole spine. “Kira was asleep all through it last night, yeah?” Sarah started, demanding of herself to turn around, to face Cosima properly. She found her huddled under the blankets once more. “So she doesn't know about you, uh... just yet.”

“And you want to keep it that way,” Cosima filled in the rest easily enough. Her words were so heavy and Sarah felt their weight deep within her lungs, and it almost felt like she couldn't breath.

She rushed over to remedy the weight, kneeling beside the bed and grabbing Cosima's hand, barely registering the way the weight in her chest instantly disappeared at the contact, “Just for _now,_ ” she assured firmly. “You and I and S... we all gotta figure this out first. But I _want_ you to meet her, Cos. I do. We just gotta figure out what to tell her first, yeah?”

Cosima slowly smiled and nodded, a yawn suddenly taking over any possible response that she may have had. “You should go back to sleep,” Sarah laughed lightly, resisting again the urge just to kiss her right then and there as she stood up.

“Sleep?” Cosima furrowed her brow.

“Uh... yeah?” Sarah asked, “That.. that thing you were doing just now before I woke up, you were...” Then she realized, “You weren't, were you?”

“Was I what?”

“You... what were you doing while I was layin' there with my eyes closed then?” Sarah said, sinking down onto the bed momentarily.

“That was sleeping?”

Sarah nodded, absently reaching out for Cosima's hand once more.

“I was just...,” she took Sarah's searching hand, but glanced away, to the blankets, seeming embarrassed.

“Yeah?”

“I was trying to figure out your song,” she mumbled, her freckles across her cheeks and down the either side of her neck lighting up. “All the planets have one, see, a note or a... a tune or something. I guess. I wanted to know what you sounded like.”

Sarah stared at her, _again_ trying her absolute hardest to _not_ kiss her senseless. Best not to overwhelm her with too much human culture all at once. She didn't even know _good morning_ for chrissake. “Well tell me when you do figure it out, yeah?” Sarah said, managing to put a clamp on her desire, but not on the betraying breathless quality her voice had taken on. _Christ._ “I'll let you know when it's alright. Just try closing your eyes and.. I dunno, relaxing I guess?” Sarah started towards the door.

“Don't be gone long,” Cosima whispered suddenly, sounding so very small. _I don't want to be alone._ This part Cosima hadn't spoken aloud, but somehow, _their fusion?,_ Sarah had heard the words, her thoughts, within her very being.

“I'll be right back. Real soon, yeah?” Sarah assured her, looking into her eyes across the room. But when they locked eyes, the distance disappeared and it felt like they were floating in the womb of space, twisting and undulating and _breathing_ together.

Sarah blinked hard and shook her head, bringing her back to earth. But they hadn't left, it was just some vision. But it felt too real, _much too real,_ for Sarah's comfort. She still wasn't sure what all was happening, much less _why_ it had happened to _her_ of all people. “I gotta get Kira ready for school, okay? I wont be long,” she said, not meeting Cosima's eyes as she ducked out into the hall.

Where Mrs. S was waiting. “And how did the universe fair the night?” she asked with her arms slightly folded, though her expression was more bemused, like this was one of Sarah's old flames come back to life.

“We'll talk about _Cosima_ later, S,” Sarah corrected firmly, though she was still a little antsy about the _safety_ she had felt from that short glance into Cosima's eyes. “Let's get Kira to school first and then we can figure it out, yeah?”

Breakfast was a fairly quiet affair. Kira seemed to know that _something_ had happened last night, but she let Mrs. S and Sarah dodge her questions without much complaint, chattering excitedly about what they were going to learn at school today and about what games her and her friends would play at recess.

Just when Sarah thought she had dodged the bullet for the time being, Kira tugged on her arm just as Mrs. S was about to get her settled into the car for the trip to school and whispered in her ear, “She's here isn't she, mummy? She feels closer.”

Sarah took her hand and paused, before kneeling down and quickly explained while Mrs. S looked over at them. “She's nearby, babes,” Sarah nodded, “But she needs time to settle in, yeah? You'll get to meet her soon, promise.”

Kira giggled, “I already know her, mummy! I talk to her in my dreams.”

Sarah stroked her hair and nodded absently, filing away this piece of information to ask Cosima later. “Okay monkey,” she smiled, “But S is waiting for you, yeah? You can tell me all about those dreams when you're home from school, okay?”

With that, Kira nodded. Sarah gave her a final kiss on her head before ruffling her hair and waving as Mrs. S backed out from the driveway. Soon they were out of sight and Sarah breathed a short sigh of relief. _Back to Cosima._

“Uh, hey Cos,” Sarah said as she stepped back into her room, feeling slightly weird for knocking, but figured she best be safe than sorry.

Cosima was practically where she had left her, curled up underneath the blankets, black hair fanning out across the pillow which looked oddly large for her head now that Sarah wasn't there to share it.

She was still wide awake.

“Do you even _need_ to sleep?” Sarah asked suddenly as she sunk back down onto the bed by Cosima's shoulder. She felt warmer within Cosima's proximity, somehow.

Cosima sat up slowly, her hair falling over her shoulders as she leaned up against the wall. The simple movement seemed to weary her slightly. So instead of insisting she get up, Sarah shuffled over and stretched her legs out onto the bed as she joined her against the wall. “I don't think so?” Cosima said, “Especially since I don't know what it is, how can I know if I need it or not? I thought that that was something _you_ were supposed to tell _me,_ as my human guide, or whatever.”

Sarah snorted. “Human guide. That sounds more something like Mrs. S would be good at. M'kinda a disaster, Cos.”

“Not to Kira!” Cosima replied easily, as if it was the most obvious fact in the world. “Sarah, that girl looks up to you like you're her biggest hero.”

“Yeah, alright, that's-”

“The truth,” Cosima said with finality, “I've watched you guys. I've seen how she looks at you. She _loves_ you. And you can't argue with me on this,” Cosima pushed into Sarah's side slightly, sparking that electricity once more. “I'm from the universe. I know everything.”

Sarah laughed, more easily than she had ever laughed before. Everything about Cosima felt easy. Had fate really been kind to her for _once_ her life? “Everything except human customs. And what _sleep_ is.”

“Fine,” Cosima conceded eventually after resting on Sarah's shoulder for a moment. “But I'm right about this one _human_ thing, Sarah. She loves you. Do you believe me?”

“Not yet,” Sarah murmured, fear and doubts constricting her heart.

Cosima looked up from where her head was resting in the hollow of Sarah's chest, her nose brushing along Sarah's cheek. “You will someday, Sarah. I know it.”

 


	2. all these broken souls

Mrs. S found them dozing off against each other when she returned home from dropping Kira off at school. The little girl had been surprisingly silent about her star friend for the whole ride, despite the fact that every weekday previous the short seven minute ride had always been filled with Kira's dreams about space and flying and songs. Mrs. S just assumed that Kira's silence had something to do with what Sarah had said to her before she kissed Kira goodbye.

A question for later. For now, Mrs. S _definitely_ had other things to ask about. “Good morning,” she said as she leaned against the door frame, hands tucked into pockets. She studied her daughter as she yawned and blinked away the remnants of her short nap. Just as realization crossed Sarah's face at being caught, Mrs. S stepped further into the room and looked pointedly at Cosima, “I don't think we've had the proper pleasure.”

Cosima gaped, clearly floundering at what was expected of her. “This is Cosima, mum,” Sarah spoke quickly. “Cos, my foster mum, Mrs. S.”

“Introductions, right of course,” Cosima muttered to herself as she practically kicked Sarah out of bed to stand. Her movements were still stilted and jerky, like a deer getting used to its limbs. Which, aside from the _deer_ part, was entirely true. “Hi, Mrs. S, I'm Cosima,” she supplied despite Sarah's introduction already, and stuck out her hand.

The only problem was that, aside from Sarah's oversized band t-shirt, she was completely naked. Which actually wouldn't be the _worst_ way that Mrs. S had discovered a girl in her room, but this... was a _little_ harder to explain. Especially since Cosima _definitely_ wasn't her girlfriend. _Not that Cos would understand what the term meant anyways. Or... she wouldn't? Would she?_ Sarah found herself absently wondering as she sat up a little straighter. _Focus Manning. Focus,_ she berated herself as she watched Mrs. S smile warmly as she shook Cosima's hands, despite the circumstances.

Pleasantries were over the second Mrs. S turned back to Sarah however. “And why is it that you haven't offered our guest any _other_ clothes?”

“I... uh,” Sarah stumbled as Mrs. S's gaze met hers in a way that seemed to imply more. “It's not _like_ that, S,” Sarah hissed, scrambling out of bed.

“Like what?” Cosima asked innocently, but she had the _same_ look. It's not like you could exist as a part of the _universe_ and _not_ know what the scene that was playing out before them actually meant.

Cosima definitely had seen half clothed women and men scramble as a third party burst into the room and caught them in the act.

 _But this wasn't anything like that. Was it?_ Cosima thought – or had _thought_ that she thought. Turned out that Sarah was thinking along very _very_ similar lines.

“We've got other things to talk about, S,” Sarah snapped before she turned back to her closet and rooted around, with slight embarrassment, in her underwear drawer. “Um, uh... here,” she stammered, and her embarrassment was _so_ strong that it faintly lit up a few of Cosima's freckles across their connection. Mrs. S raised her eyebrows at the phenomenon but thankfully left it for the time being. Sarah bundled the underwear into the sweats and pushed them both into Cosima's arms.

“She might want to wash up first, love,” Mrs. S suggested lightly, but the arch of her brow _still_ implicated things that Sarah didn't even want to think about just then.

Sarah sucked in a breath – _fucking_ hell _S,_ she snarled inwardly. It had been too long since she'd be able to tease her daughter, apparently. “Yeah, fine. A shower would be good I guess. C'mon Cos, I'll show you how to work it, yeah?”

“And if I need help?” she asked cheekily. _Why gods are these two so insistent,_ Sarah cast her eyes upwards, belatedly realizing that Cosima may still have a connection to the universe that may have allowed her to listen in. If Sarah believed in any of that crap.

“I'll be just outside the door if you need,” Sarah rolled her eyes and tightened her lips. “I'm assuming you've seen enough of the universe to know how people clean themselves, yeah?”

Cosima relented, “Don't worry, I'll be out in a bit, okay Sarah?”

After showing her how to use the taps and which direction was cold and which was warm, Sarah grabbed her a couple extra towels to use before ducking out and shutting the door with a loud sigh.

“Tea, love?” Mrs. S asked. Sarah nodded, brushing past her and sinking into her usual chair at the table, running her hands through her hair.

A steaming mug was set before her promptly, which Sarah cupped with both hands, hunching into the warmth protectively. Never mind that it didn't warm her _nearly_ as much as when she had been leaning against Cosima. And it was more than just body heat. Something about the “fusion” that Cosima had mentioned earlier.

“Shite,” Sarah sighed again. Best start with that.

“I think that sums it up, yes,” Mrs. S nodded. “Did she really fall from the sky, Sarah?”

Sarah nodded wearily, too tired to really process much of anything. _This was all really happening, wasn't it?_ It was Sarah's question, but it didn't sound like her voice in her head. It must've been Cosima. Sarah had heard her voice enough on long quiet nights to know well enough what she sounded like. “She told me she's never been able to communicate with humans before, mum,” she said. “That there's.... something about me that's different. And I think... I think I was supposed to _die_ when she touched me last night. Or when she was the universe, or... something, I dunno! There's so much I don't get.”

“But it's obvious that you care for her,” Mrs. S said pointedly.

Sarah almost flinched at that, as if physically struck. She closed her eyes as her grip tightened around her mug. “Everyone I care about ends up leaving.” Then she shook her head. “She's different, I know, and it's not just 'cause it's _the universe_ or whatever shite is goin' on here. _She_ just... it's something else. But I've said that about people before, mum. They leave. And they leave because of me.”

 

It was unusual for Sarah to leave a mug of tea unfinished, but by the time Cosima came out of the shower, her hair _braided_ somehow, Sarah's tea was half cold and only half finished as her and Mrs. S talked back and forth intently.

“Your hair,” Sarah gaped, leaving off her sentence half way through as she watched Cosima enter the room. “You... _how_ -?”

“I'm not sure, actually?” Cosima replied, stopping timidly just inside the entrance to the kitchen, “I saw this hairstyle once, well, a couple times actually, but there was one specific woman who had it all the way down her back and, um. I just wanted it? So I... I guess, after I got out of the shower I just... thought about it? And, well. It happened?”

“Bloody hell,” Sarah breathed. Across the table, Mrs. S raised her eyebrows in Sarah's direction again, prompting Sarah to finally click her jaw shut.

“Have a seat, love,” Mrs. S said warmly, gesturing to the pot on the table, “Would you like some tea at all?”

Cosima nodded, edging her way into the kitchen and settling gingerly onto the chair that Mrs. S nudged out with her foot. “Thanks,” she hummed, and some of her freckles lit up in appreciation. Now that the thin layer of dust and dirt had been washed off, the glow was a lot more noticeable.

“You're taking this a lot better than last night mum,” Sarah commented as she raised her mug to her lips, promptly grimaced at the cold against her lips and rose to reheat it in the microwave.

“I just needed the night to sleep on it,” Mrs. S said with a slight eye roll. Cosima was quick to note in her head that the expression was very similar to Sarah's, and her mind rolled and twisted several thoughts about the nature of biology versus the nurture of biology and which influence was greater in certain cases. “As did the two of you, I noticed,” Mrs. S remarked as Sarah returned her tea. And rolled her eyes.

“What?” Sarah asked of Cosima as she caught her grinning into her mug.

“How long have you been with Mrs. S, Sarah?” Cosima just asked instead. She'd explain in a moment, she _would,_ but she was just curious. She'd always been, as far as she knew, anyways.

Sarah blinked, surprised by the question. “Uh... well, she... she took me in when I was.. I dunno. Eight, maybe? I... I ran away for awhile. Got into some trouble. _A lot_ of trouble,” she amended herself with a pained grimace. “Mrs. S took me back when when I came to her, five months along with Kira.” Sarah fell silent, fiddling with the handle of her mug and staring into the bottom of it, determinedly not looking anyone in the eye.

“Why do you ask that, love?” Mrs. S broke the silence that fell so heavy.

Cosima felt that her trivial curiosity wasn't a worthy explanation of the weight of Sarah's answer, so she just mumbled awkwardly, “You both rolled your eyes the same way, I was thinking about nature versus nurture in terms of biology and I just... it's stupid, never mind. I'm uh.. I'm sorry I asked. I didn't mean-”

Sarah laughed, reached across the table to capture Cosima's hand. A calm amusement flowed across the connection and brought Cosima's stammering to a halt. “Don't worry 'bout it Cos,” she smiled, even though it was a little heavy. “You're gonna know about all about me, sooner or later, what with this fusion thing, anyway.”

“But we still want to hear _all_ about you, Cosima,” Mrs. S added, “Starting with your favourite kind of tea. What would you like?” she asked as she stood to get another mug from the cupboard.

Cosima's jaw kind of hung open. “Tea?” And Sarah was laughing again.

“You can try a bit of mine for now to see if it's something you like,” Sarah said, and nudged her mug over to Cosima.

Cosima actually ended up finishing the remnants of Sarah's tea. She had apologized but Sarah had just laughed again – sending warmth pulsing across the connection – and squeezed Cosima's hand before hunting around the kitchen for other things that Cosima could try.

Which is how most of the afternoon went, really. Sarah, despite insisting multiple times that she _really_ wasn't the best example of humanity, turned out to be a great tour guide. She raided the snack cupboard, to Mrs. S's faux disapproval, and laid out a veritable feast for Cosima to pick from as she turned on the TV and introduced Cosima to television. Particularly, to Kira's favourite cartoons.

“Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl and Steven!” Cosima sang along with a little giggle as she stuck another Oreo in her mouth. Sarah could practically feel the sugar coursing through her own veins as Cosima buried herself deeper into the blanket burrito she had proudly nestled herself into.

“Cos, I'm thinking maybe we should pack the rest of the snacks away, yeah?” Sarah grinned, before casting a semi-dismayed eye over the remains of the spread she had set out on the coffee table.

“Or maybe you shouldn't have laid out so many to begin with,” Mrs. S admonished with a shake of her head. She was smiling too though. Ever since Cal had left, it was difficult to get Sarah out of her shell for anything or anyone, save for Kira. Now that Cosima had quite literally fallen into Sarah's life though, she had barely stopped smiling.

“It's called being a good girlfriend, S,” Sarah rolled her eyes, then froze. “Uh...”

Cosima could feel by the waves of panic she felt prickling along her scalp that Sarah had just made a major mistake. Their connection started fuzzing and tugging taught, the feeling of a rubber band in her spine pulling and stretching and reaching and never achieving, just pulling and pulling and pulling – until it snapped.

“Sarah!” Cosima yelled out, in shock more than anything. She could still feel it, her, could feel Sarah, but her emotions were a staticky mess. “What's going on?”

Sarah was off the couch, leaving Cosima to topple over, her warm pillar of support gone. “Sarah, it's alright,” Mrs. S called gently, laying a hand on her daughter's shoulder as Sarah attempted to stride past her.

“Whatever,” Sarah bit off abruptly, “It's just about time to pick up Kira from school, innit? I'll be back in a bit then,” she finished without further confirmation. She was out the door before Cosima could even say another word.

Cosima gaped, feeling out for the connection and receiving back just an empty signal. It was still there, but the information was broken. She sat up slowly and turned to Mrs. S, who had sunk down into Sarah's previously vacated spot. “Did I do something?” she asked with an almost childlike innocence.

“Do you want more tea, love? I should probably tell you some things you need to know about Sarah.”

 


	3. your heart unveiling

Cosima had her hands cupped around her mug of tea that was still warm. “But I know all this already Siobhan,” she said simply as she took another sip of her tea. She took it the same way Sarah did, except with twice the amount of sugar. “Sarah's told me.”

“She's _told_ you?” Mrs. S said incredulously, arching an eyebrow. “ _That_ I find hard to believe.”

Cosima lifted a shoulder, instinctively felt out for Sarah – it was a reflex now – and continued only when she could feel her, “I get why you don't think so, Sarah's closed off. Except with Kira,” she took another sip as something flickered along the connection. _Speaking of Kira,_ Cosima grinned to herself as she felt little pulses of love filter across the line. Sarah must've just picked her up from school. “But I kinda learned most of her past when we fused, you know?”

“Then why did you ask about when she came to me?”

“I don't know details, exactly, it's just... it's hard to explain,” Cosima said, furrowing her brow as confusion lit up her freckles. “I don't wanna push her, you know? I know what's happened with Cal and how that's part of her whole thing with intimacy but... I don't want to tell her that I know. I don't want to scare her.”

“You don't have to worry about anything you did, love,” Mrs. S reassured her gently, taking her hand, turning her palm over so that the back of Cosima's hand faced upwards, freckles glowing gently as emotions passed across her skin. “Sometimes Sarah just needs space to process things all on her own.”

Cosima snorted gently into her tea, setting down the empty cup into its saucer. “Literally space personified, right here,” she gestured to herself, all visible freckles glowing as if to prove a point. Mrs. S chuckled just as Cosima turned her attention to the front door. “She's coming back.”

 

\- - -

 

“Mummy, you're all nervous about something,” Kira said quietly as she kicked her feet into the back of the passenger seat, not quite tall enough to sit up front with her mum. “Did something happen with Cosima?”

Sarah glanced back into the rear view mirror at her daughter as she pulled out of the school parking lot. “No monkey, nothing,” she said as gently as she could without sounding to guilty, “Everything's fine with Cosima, okay?”

“I talk to her in my dreams sometimes,” Kira continued, almost randomly.

Sarah's foot slipped on the gas pedal slightly. “That so, baby?”

“She likes you,” Kira said, tapping her toes against the seat back in front of her, seemingly oblivious to the stir of her mum's emotions.

Sarah didn't reply, feeling her nerves subside for a short moment as she felt inexplicable reassurance. _Cosima._ That emotional connection was definitely going to take some getting used to. But in moments like this, with her emotions spinning into discord, it was definitely a comfort to turn to.

“She's super pretty, isn't she?” Kira grinned at her mum in the mirror. “I haven't seen what she looks like yet, I only talk to her.”

“Well you will soon, babes,” Sarah said with a grin, but it was tight. _Would Cos be upset with her for calling her Sarah's girlfriend? Would she even_ understand _the implication of the word?_ “We're home, yeah?”

 

\- - -

 

Cosima felt Sarah's nerves thrum as she heard Kira and Sarah's voices draw closer. But despite how nervous Cosima was as well, she felt her excitement grow. Little Kira, talented, bright and curious little Kira, was just on the other side of that door. And Cosima couldn't wait to meet her for real.

“Okay monkey, let's get your coat off and-” Sarah started in vain. Because as soon as Kira had kicked off her shoes, she was rocketing towards the couch where Cosima was sitting.

“Hi you!” Cosima squealed excitedly as the little girl's frame hit her solidly in her chest and wrapped her arms around Cosima's middle. “Look at you, you're so big!”

Kira giggled, “I'm the smallest one in my class!”

“Oh my goodness, human children must be _ginormous_ then!” Cosima gasped as she pulled Kira closer into her side.

“No, you're silly!” Kira smiled as she nudged back Cosima's – well, it was Sarah's – sleeve and revealed Cosima's freckles that were flaring into stars with her joy.

“I'm silly, huh? I am?” Cosima asked, walking her fingers along Kira's arm when Kira stopped her suddenly.

“Mummy, she's a map!” she exclaimed, grabbing Cosima's arm with both hands intently.

“What are you saying, monkey?” Sarah furrowed her brow as she sank down onto the couch next to Cosima. Not close enough to touch though. Cosima could still feel Sarah's tension in her spine, slightly less stretched out than before she left, but still palpable.

Kira fingers danced along Cosima's freckles for a moment before gazing up at Cosima with wide eyes, “She's a map of the stars!”

“You guys have mapped the stars?!” Cosima asked, swinging her head around to look at Sarah, her braid, still slightly damp, hitting Kira in the face.

“Auntie Cosima,” Kira complained with good-natured grumble.

“Sorry Kira,” Cosima apologized quickly, too caught up in her excitement to catch Kira's name for her. “Sar, you _have_ to tell all about this, you gotta show me, I can't believe I didn't even think to ask, what the stars look like from down here, there's gotta be so much-!”

“Cosima!” Sarah interrupted with a laugh, putting a hand on Cosima's shoulder, sending a jolt across their skin. But Sarah didn't pull back. “How 'bout you slow down, yeah?”

“You're the one who gave me all that sugar, if you remember,” Cosima raised an eyebrow at her, the pull in her back all but disappearing as Sarah's gaze flitted between Cosima and Kira, the smile never leaving her face.

“Did you like it Auntie Cosima?” Kira asked.

This time Cosima caught it, her mouth falling open slightly as she made eye contact with Sarah, who just beamed even more brilliantly, her eyes sparkling. _Auntie Cosima,_ they both thought, their voices intertwining wonder and awe in their hearts. “Oh!” Cosima came back to herself as Kira continued to trace the map on Cosima's arm, “Yes I _did,_ ” Cosima replied emphatically, “In fact, I think we should ask your mom if we can have _more._ ”

Cosima and Kira both turned their puppy dog eyes onto Sarah at full blast and, well, Sarah was absolutely helpless. “Yeah, alright!” Sarah put her hand up as she went to stand.

Cosima let her go for a moment as she whispered to Kira, “How 'bout you set up that map of the stars while I go help your mom with the snacks, okay?”

“Okay!” Kira nodded as she hopped off of Cosima's lap, chattering eagerly about her favourite constellations and where to look for them in the sky.

Cosima smiled before standing and following Sarah into the kitchen. “Uh, hey,” she started, a little quietly.

Sarah looked up from where she was arranging snacks on a plate, choosing wisely to leave the bigger containers behind. “Hey,” Sarah said back. She wasn't smiling, but her face was soft. Gentle. She looked radiant.

Cosima felt out for Sarah, a little guiltily. It kinda felt like she was cheating, trying to suss out Sarah's feelings to see how the conversation would go instead of just, like, asking like a normal person. Cosima laughed to herself. Not like she was a normal person anyways.

“What?” Sarah asked her as she closed up the cookie box and crossed the kitchen to meet Cosima.

“Oh you know,” Cosima attempted nonchalance, “Just thinking about how I fell from space and how human customs are strange and, you know, if we're okay because you kinda left in a rush earlier and I'm a little worried about us. The usual.”

“Cos...,” Sarah murmured, holding her arms out and waiting for Cosima to step into them. Which she did. “I'm really sorry about that, yeah?”

Cosima nuzzled her nose into the crook of Sarah's shoulder and closed her eyes as she felt Sarah's shame and Sarah's guilt cloud her mind, whispering worthlessness into her thoughts. So Cosima spoke against it. “You're not worthless, Sarah Manning,” she reassured her. “I don't want to scare you, but... Sarah, I know,” Cosima kissed her shoulder before lifting her head to look Sarah in the eyes, “The things you're scared of, the past you think you can't get away from, okay? I know.”

Sarah searched Cosima's eyes for the truth in her words, then shook her head at herself. “How d'you... the damn fusion. Right. 'Course you know then.”

“I don't know details, and I wont pry,” Cosima was quick to remedy, tilting her head so that their foreheads touched. “But I know enough. And I'm still here.” _I still love you._

“Well, shite, why don't you just say it then?” Sarah said.

Cosima blinked, “Wha-?”

“You thought it loud enough, Cos,” Sarah pointed out with a smirk, “Makes my 'girlfriend' comment a lot easier if you just say what's on your mind.”

Cosima blushed, a natural human hue as well as a ruddy glow from her stars. She literally _glowed._ “Okay then. I love you Sarah.”

Sarah smiled, pressing herself impossibly closer to Cosima as she nuzzled her nose. “You too Cos,” she said softly before hesitating momentarily. “And I want to tell you, to say it back but-”

“You don't have to. Not yet,” Cosima whispered. “Not until you're ready.”

A light cough interrupted their little bubble. “Kira wants to know when the snacks will be ready, Sarah,” Mrs. S said with a gentle smile.

“Oh,” Sarah laughed, looking back at the counter where the cookies had been abandoned. “Uh, they're right-”

“Does this mean Auntie Cosima's staying, mummy?” Kira bounded into the kitchen, pulling up short as she looked at the way Sarah and Cosima still had their arms wrapped around each other. “There's so much I wanna talk about and show her and I can't do _any_ of that if she's not gonna stay, so please please please tell me she'll stay?”

The little kitchen lit up with laughter at Kira's excitement as Cosima squeezed Sarah a little tighter around the middle and kissed her cheek. “Yeah darling,” Sarah nodded and reached out her hand for her little monkey. “It looks like she's gonna be staying for a long time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive any errors within the text as I haven't read any of these chapters over and there are bound to be mistakes.


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